Why I'm a cynic. and not.

(if you think its an utter load of bullcrap, that's fine)

Many years back, I was nice. I mean, genuinely nice. I never hated anyone at all (I don't do that much even now, but I find faults). I was never angry. People tell me I'm being far too nice cause I never got angry even if they did something bad to me. I didn't find the need to be angry, anyway.

Some people see that as being "fake". (I learnt of that later on) I wasn't being fake then, but after I knew of that fact, I begin to search for myself, frantically searching for a part of me that felt like shouting out the truth. Slowly, I found alot of stuff I wasn't so happy with.

I turned from a truthfully true person to a forcefully true person.

Being truthfully true doesn't mean you can't have a negative outlook on things, it just means being sensible enough to know what to say and not what to say. Until you feel like you're suppressing your feelings, then say it out loud. But in a nice tone, because negative tone can mean to misunderstandings. That isn't being fake, because it didn't involve lying.

Being forcefully true (to me), simply means voicing all sorts of opinions you've got. Just because the society approves of it. Its like forcing yourself to voice out even if you feel it might not be nice, just in case somebody else calls you "fake".

I didn't like the feeling of being called "fake" when I was really wasn't. That's when I joined them in that way of thinking, and during the process lost that nice part of myself. People judge, people backstab. No matter what your true intentions are, there are bound to be people who will dislike you for that.



.. then the contradicting side of me starts to kick in.

because I'm able to see the nice side of people as well. I think its like half of the time.

The cynical side of me will go "you're just TRYING to find something nice about that situation/person!". But if the nice thought was the one that came into my mind first, then why would that make it "TRYING to find something nice?"


I see nice people wondering if they're being themselves, if they're trying to fit into others' shoes. I've been there. Just because others aren't, or they think you aren't, it doesn't mean you're only trying to fit in.

If you aren't feeling suppressed, then stay that way. Because turning away means you'll never get back. I never did.



At the end of the day, its your first thought that tells you who you really are, and what you're really thinking.

For me, it depends on the situation.

That's why I'm a cynic, AND not one.